Hemophilia

Don’t look at me. I am invisible.
Don’t want you.
Don’t want you to know me, find me
see me inside myself, all built up scar tissue.
Don’t touch me!
You’ll tear the scabs and I’ll bleed.
Oh, I will bleed and bleed and bleed
tears of blood stream from my eyes.

My brother cried blood when he died.

Hover over me
Heat touches me before flesh.
Oh gods
Settle into me so slow, so careful
Am I that fragile?
Every bone broken and set,
it hurts, it hurts to breathe.
Cry out. Not in passion.
In pain. In fear. I cry.

Why are you here?
Why you and not not not-
why?
No ghosts. Push them back,
back into their corners, boxes, closets.
Lock them up and throw away the key.
Huh. You can’t lock up ghosts.

Stop taunting me with kisses, remembered touch.
Ghosts. Shadows. Stop.

Help me forget.
Dip your fingers in the whitewash, cover it.
I am fevered, raw, exposed.
Kiss me, oh god, kiss me.
Make it all go away.

Please...