When I Grow Up

When I grow up I'm going to fly
Except I'm afraid of heights anyway
I'm even afraid when I stand on a chair to change a lightbulb
So I guess I'll have to scotch that idea

Speaking of scotch...
When I grow up I'm going to weave plaids
Except I don't have a loom and I can't stand plaids anyway
So that goes out the window

Speaking of windows...
When I grow up I'm going to have a super delux netbook
Except I'm a bit of a luddite anyway
So I'll have to take another look at that

Speaking of looking...
When I grow up I'm going to see faraway places and in new ways
Except I hate to travel and I can't see without my glasses anyway
So...

I'm going to ride my bike to the top of some mountain and fly down
weaving in and out of traffic trying not to look at my speedometer