Misadventures of the Shoes: Revenge is tout doux

We warned you. We told you over and over again, but no, you wouldn’t listen. You know better, right big shot? And now look at you.

We told you we were not going. You couldn’t make us go, not for all the tea in China, India and Pakistan. Cobblestones, rough terrain, airplane security [they make us go through metal detectors? X-ray? Us? No way] cold snap and no guarantee that we would be taken out like we deserve, like we want to be taken out? Not by him, certainly. Penny-ante cheapskate. We were not going to risk our heels going there, no way. Better to stay home and watch repeats of sitcoms on television, which is never our first choice or even our twenty-third choice in terms of things to do, but between staying here and going there?

Huh. That was a no-brainer.

Yeah. No brainer. That’s our little girl, all emotion and maelstrom and hither and yon, brain totally turned off when it comes to him. Pathetic.

Yes, we know, little girl, we know. You can admit it to us. We know you really didn’t want to go either, not there. It’s so wrong, so very wrong, that you went because you just couldn’t figure a way out, a way to tell him ‘no.’ Although you did tell him, over and over, that you’d much prefer to go to any of a hundred places instead of there.

Little girl, you should have used your ace. That’s why you have us.

All you had to do was tell him the shoes said ‘No.’

What do you mean, you told him and he didn’t buy it? We are your shoes. We are your protectors and guides. It is up to us to say where and when you go. And we said ‘No."

End of story.

And you went anyway.

Now look at you.

Tears, tears, tears. Ridiculous. You’re shedding tears over that bully? Wipe your nose, child, it’s running. That bully who never heard a thing you said? Even when you agreed to go, did he take you any of the places you wanted to go to? Hmm? Do the things you wanted to do? Eat where you wanted to eat? Even your dream restaurant, which you wanted to stay a dream. Now what’s your excuse to go back? He ripped the mystery from your dream and left nothing in its place but a ‘closed until further notice’ sign.

No. Your wants are secondary. It’s all about him. Asshole.

Sorry, little girl, but it is supposed to be about you. You don’t even know why you went, but we can tell you, it was not the same reason he went. Selfish bastard had his own agenda. You know he was planning to break up with you while you were there? You realized that, right?

And now you have such a lovely souvenir. The gift that keeps on giving. Are you going to ask him where he picked up that little present for you? Rat fuck.

Don’t worry, little girl. You just concentrate on getting better, on healing. All of you needs to heal. We’ve got his number. We’ve got sharp heels. And we have connections. He’s got that bright, shiny new car with that beautiful slick paint job just aching to be...aching to be...aching to be... Customized. Yes. That’s the word, customized.

You don’t worry you pretty head about anything except getting better. We’ll take care of it. You leave it to us. Trust us. We are your shoes.

And nobody fucks with our little girl. Nobody.