Sunday, August 5, 2007

House is Not A Home Pt II

"You should go."
"Go? Go where? Why? I love it here. I love you."
"It's time. I cannot protect you any more."
"You've always protected me."
"From the outside. But now you need protection from within."
"It grows here. In you, in me, in all of us. I cannot protect you from
yourself. Or from those you allow to abuse you."
"But House, what do you mean?" I start to cry. I cannot leave House.
House has been everything to me. I am closer to House, love House more
than...well, more than.
"How can you tell me to leave? You are my joy."
"I was your joy. Now I am just a place. And you will always be my joy.
But now, to you, I am a place of sadness and death. I do not see joy in you, do
not feel it. Not for a long while. You do not dance."
"You are my only joy."
"No. There is no joy. You have too much mourning. I cannot make you joyful
"All my joys."
"Do not lie to me, beloved. I have become a sarcophagus to you. You used
to look at me... Now you look at me and see sorrow. Pain. Tears. And I cannot
keep you safe from yourself any longer."
"Oh House, what will I do?" I can't leave House. "Where will I go? Who
will love me as you do? Who will love you?"
"You will love. In time."
"No. No one. No thing. No more. No."
"Yes, beloved, you will. I know this. In time. But now you must go. The
dark grows in you. Perhaps a land of sunshine will burn it out of you, bring
the light back in. Perhaps."
"Perhaps not."
"Perhaps not. Still, you must try."
"I want to try here. I will heal here."
"There is too much here. You cannot mend here. You just can't."
"All can be mended."
"Let me stay."
"No. You need more than I can give. All, but not in this case. Not now,
I was silent. House was right. House was always right. The hurts in me
festered. The scabs, bandages, salves House placed on my wounds helped but did
not heal. And I needed to heal. Needed it desperately.
"What shall I do?"
House shrugged. "Do? Whatever you think will help, that's what you do.
Many things are possible."
"But how will I decide? What if I'm wrong..."
"Try again. Try them all. All the pathways are open so do not get yourself
set on one."
"Oh, House...."
"I will always be here for you. In you. You are my beloved and I see
myself through your eyes."
"Shh. You will heal. Someday. But not here."
"Who will care for you? Love you?"
"You'll always love me. As for caring for me, you have made me strong. I
will care for me. I will care for whoever is here. But I cannot help you. You
are too broken. And my trying to fix you, breaks you more."
I look at House sadly. "House, please...."
House did not answer.
"House? Please, House.... Do not leave me. I am afraid and alone. Please,
Still no answer.
All I heard was silence and the blood pounding in my head. I was alone.
Lonely. So lonely. The lonely after love is the loneliest of all.

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