Tuesday, July 24, 2007

We've Reviewed Your Files

As if I don't have enough tsuris, now this?
Between my kinda sorta homelessness and unemployment, my beloved psychotic perpetual victim older daughters and my youngest who is truly otherworldly at times, and that not in a good way, I still need more?
That which the gods would destroy they first make great. I'm not great.
God does not give you more than you can bear. Sez who?
That which does not kill you makes you strong. Knock me over with a feather.
I am neither great nor filled with fortitude nor strong. So what am I? In any case...
Not enough to have every other brick in my tower tumbling down, burying me, the foundations crumbling neath my feet. Not enough to be dragged into an abyss, tentacles twined lovingly around my ankles. "Would you like a glass of water, dear?" So says the torturer. "Drink deep." So says. Now to have this trivial stress added?
"Ms W, we've reviewed the results of your recent MRI. The doctor would strongly advice you to see a specialist. We've already referred your files to Dr C. You should call him ASAP to make an appointment. Here's the number."
You've reviewed? The doctor reviewed? WTF? Two damn months ago the doctor reviewed my files and sent me for the MRI. NOW he looks at the report? WTF?
Okay dear readers, time to spill. Because you have to understand something not obvious. This was NOT an MRI of my brain. We all know what an MRI of my brain would look like: swiss cheese. Moldy swiss cheese. Drippy moldy swiss cheese.
No, this was an MRI of another body part. I should use the plural to be perfectly accurate, it being a pair of body parts. The body parts which are specific and used to easily and obviously identify the female of the species. So to hear the dreaded words, "We'd like you to see a specialist," especially when the hearer is well aware of how high risk she is, does not make for a good afternoon.
They waited two months to call me on this? Is this for real incompetence and inefficiency (we are in floriduh) or does the doctor have August billing doldrums? Back in NYC, if there was an anomaly on an x-ray, test, MRI, you were called in a day or two. Surely this necessitated a call within a week if there was real cause for concern? Surely?
Because while I may love going topless, I do not look forward to being topless. At least not for a few more years.
So. I can give credence to this and worry my freshly dyed head (more grey, so much more grey than a week ago) OR...
I can make chocolate mousse.
I made mousse.


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